Thursday, September 3, 2009

My Dark Mood

My dark mood came knocking Tuesday night. I had a feeling it was she. I haven’t seen her in awhile. I got up, went to the door, saw who it was, thought better of it, but I let her in anyway. We’ve known each other for quite some time.

I’m lying very still as dawn stretches into my room, breathing softly so she doesn’t know I’m awake. My thoughts carry me to a peaceful place--sitting in my comfortable chair, in my comfortable living room with the tapping sounds of my pretty red nails on the keyboard of my lap-top (I love that). Then my dark mood senses I’m awake and slaps me. Hard. Damn her! She’s coercing me to spend another day with her. Boy, she’s convincing.

My dark mood and depression are cousins. She introduced me to depression back in 1999. Depression--now that’s a bitch that’s packing some power! Depression oozed into the hearts of beautiful creative souls like Sylvia Plath and Anne Sexton and quietly had her way with them.

As I’ve mentioned, I’m reading (actually re-reading) Anne Lamott’s, Bird by Bird, and she mentioned there was a time when suicide came to some of her father’s writing friends. Last night, Anne suggested that I write about what I know, about my experiences, that I use my history and observations of the world around me, to be the anchor of my stories. She writes about alcoholism, neurosis, and depression. What is this with writers?

You’d think that my dark mood would love that I’m writing. But, she’s secretive. She loves secrets. She whispers in my ear. She turns my fears into truths. She’s good at that!

So, I haven’t written/edited much more on chapter three. We left off with Camryn taking a cab ride into the night club district of Cancun, Mexico. We’ll pick up from there soon.

My dark mood needs to leave now. It's sunny. It’s 63 degrees. It’s 7:48 am. Another amazing Colorado morning. The neighborhood kids are scurrying along the bike path to the elementary school. My writing time is coming to a close for today. I’m going to go for a run. My dark mood hates it when I run.

I feel better. I’m going to ask her to leave.


2 comments:

  1. Kathe,
    Sometimes it's hard to admit that we suffer from these dark moods and even harder to admit when they overwhelm us, especially for me. I admire the fact you seem to have the ability to shoo them away at will unlike myself when the mood brings depression with it and then it seems I'm encased in a block of cement unable to do a thing at all. Believe it or not your writing, while therapeutic and beneficial to yourself, has had the same effects on me. You are wonderful to share all these things and I appreciate very much your writing.

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  2. Laura,

    Thank you so kindly for reading my blog and taking your time to comment. I'm writing what had happened to me some years ago, so, I have the gift of perspective and I'm now coming from a place of healing. It took years and years and a lot of therapies other things to find the happiness I now enjoy.

    I am so honored that you've felt this beneficial. There's much more to come.

    Blessings,
    Kathe Perez

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