Death changes things for the living.

It’s been a little over four months since this project began—blogging about writing my book Out of the Darkness. And, as one might imagine, life happens, things change. 

Kevin’s mother died on Monday the 14^th of December.  His father died on a Monday too.  It was also the 14^th of the month.  It was seventeen months ago.

I came late in their lives.  I didn’t get to know them well.  But, in the aftermath--the chores of cleaning up a life or lives--I am getting to know them.  It makes me smile.  Kevin is so much like each of them in different ways. The nut doesn’t fall too far from the tree.

Kevin’s poem to his mother:

Release

Descending:

          An anxious breeze

            A fractured, rustling scape,

          Unsettled mind

            Swirling, amorphous shapes.

Transcending:

          The thinning veil

            A sparkling curtain of light,

          The beckoning hands of her lover

            From the other side.

          Resurgent hope and promises to keep

            Melt into a euphoric peace.

Ascending:

          Mesmerized by that dazzling light

            Drawing her softly to the source,

          Sans fright.  She acquiesces willingly

            To its all-enveloping serenity.

One of the themes of the book-Out of the Darkness--is ascension to hope. 

Darkness turns into light/hope.  Death becomes rebirth.  Endings transition into beginnings.

It is my belief that all energy simply transforms itself and that there is never an ending in the way we might think. 

The day after my father died nearly seven years ago now, I saw him.  I did.  I was sitting in the family room in my big chair for my morning meditation.  I opened my eyes and there he stood.  Before me was not the old frail man who had just died, but my father about the age of 40, dark wavy hair, handsome, lean.  He was wearing khaki pants and a white button down shirt and dark loafers.  He didn’t speak to me, but simply smiled. And that smile spoke a thousand words and I was shown briefly, very briefly the beauty, peace and love from the other side.

Kevin’s parents are on that side now. Their human pain and suffering is over.  The anxiety, the fear, the loneliness have been transformed into peace, love and belonging.

Death changes things for the living, because death transforms us.

With Gratitude: Part One

With Gratitude: Part One

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Broken Brain-Brilliant Mind, The Story of Alicia, It's a Wonderful Life, Second Chance to Live.

I've been following a blog called Broken Brain-Brilliant Mind (excellent title) by a fellow who has sustained multiple MTBIs (which is more common than you might imagine; think about how one keeps hitting a sore thumb). He doesn't identify himself by name or location (he explains why and I think he has some good points) but writes a lot and has a lot of good resources.  His post the other day (the day before Thanksgiving) about his plan for handling all the activity of a holiday nicely describes what must go on behind the scenes for people with brain injuries.  I remember needing to plan like this.  I simply could NOT handle the noise and activity.  I couldn't follow a conversation.  So, I would have an escape plan; an excuse. When I got overwhelmed (which happened very quickly when I was first injured) I couldn't think and then the headache would come on and I would be debilitated... again.  Consequently, I spent a lot of time alone.  I lost friends (it's hard to maintain friendships when you don't call people back).  I never answered the telephone (and now, unfortunately, that's a habit that remains).

This fellow also goes on about the hope he has for a full recovery.  Where would we be without hope.  He quotes Winston Churchill: "Never, never, never give up."  Somewhere early in my healing process, I got a postcard from a friend (the source never identified her/himself) with this exact quote.  It stayed on my refrigerator for years.

He posted a link to this documentary about Alicia who suffered a TBI about seven years ago.  There are nine episodes from the documentary on YouTube.  It's amazing what the power of the human spirit can do.  She pulled herself (with the help of her family and care providers) out of the depths of her injuries and has fulfilled her dream to become an actress and this documentary tells her story.

I didn't want this experience.  I didn't ask for this. I didn't want a brain injury. But who does? Who wants this kind of trouble to land in their lap? Who wants to have to work hard for years and years to overcome problems like these?  These blogs, videos and stories I'm reading/watching are about amazingly courageous people.

We're in the season of It's a Wonderful Life.  I mentioned a little about this in my last post. I first saw this movie many years ago and now watch it every year after Thanksgiving.  In fact, for the last bunch of years, I watch it more than once, alone.  My family will no longer tolerate it.  As schmaltzy as this is, it brings me hope. It brings me joy!  There is so much symbolism in this movie for me.  So much!  Even down to the fact that when the depression hit, and it slapped me hard, and I became suicidal and I had my plan in place and I was going to leave my children without a mother (I actually thought they'd be better off without me), my angel was Clarence.  I swear to you!  The real life person that brought me back from the brink of suicide was named Clarence.

Clarence is a friend of a friend.  I knew him a little, not a lot.  I ran into him in Boulder in May of 1999 and he said, "I heard you had a car accident."  He asked me how I was doing.  I said, "Fine." Which was true, because, when you're actively suicidal, you are fine; all the pain and suffering is going to be over soon.  He said, "Well I have a little experience overcoming medical problems, could we get together for lunch some time?"  And that was the beginning of an unbelieveably incredible set of events that brought me out of the darkness.  I will post some selections from the book about this when they're ready. 

Second Chance to Live is a website/blog I ran across today.  I love his phrase: Through my process I have learned a valuable lesson. I am not my traumatic brain injury, my deficits or my limitations.

Here are some statistics I believe are worth sharing:

• 121 million people worldwide suffer from depression. (The World Health Organization)
• 18 million of these cases are happening in the United States. (The National Institute of Mental Health)
• Two-thirds of those suffering from depression never seek treatment.
• Untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide. 
• Almost four times as many men commit suicide as women. (NIMH)
• Someone takes their life every 16 minutes in the US.
• Suicide is preventable. 

Resources:

• Suicide Prevention Lifeline
• The website To Write Love on Her Arms which I wrote just a bit about in my last post.  This is a wonderful project.  Share it with others!